American Beauty

In my opinion, quite possibly the best movie ever. We watched it again last night. It's the first movie we've seen since being back home. And all I can say is Wow! I laughed, I cried, I felt anger and despair, I felt hope and gratitude. I felt love. And now the final words of the film, spoken by Kevin Spacey as the camera slowly zooms out on his suburban street, keep repeating in my ears. I won't ruin them for you, but those words are true. I knew the truth of them before we embarked on this trip, but they resonate so strongly with me now. Look closer...

Missed Moment

I've got to start keeping my camera on me at all times again... this city is so photogenic! Just the other day, I was driving home from some errand and was stalled at a stop sign in my neighborhood by an old, Chinese woman carrying a yoke across her shoulders weighed down by two enormous bags of recycling on each side (similar to below). I felt so at home and immediately transported back to Asia, all in one, magical moment.  That's just one of the reasons I love this city so much. There are a lot of first-generation emigrants that call San Francisco (and the Bay Area) home, and you just never know what, or who, you may come across.

Why do I have SO MUCH STUFF?!

Mid-August

We brought our second load of stuff out of storage today and I'm feeling such strong mixed emotions - that I have WAY too much %*^#^(&!, and that I'm glad to already own so many cool + convenient non-essentials because I just couldn't re-justify spending my money on all this again. I feel a part of me belongs to two worlds now. Even in Asia, amongst the "have-nots", I admit that though I tried to live like them, I was still living a fair level above. My life on the road was certainly a far cry from the lives of the "haves" though with my food cart dining + cold water, bucket showers. And where do I belong now? Where do I want to be? Just not being homeless here you're immediately in the "haves" camp. And that's good. I also don't want to give up everything - Dammit, I've worked hard for it! And I think that's o.k. too. What I do think is that it's going to be an ongoing effort in my life here to be satisfied with what I do have and not fall into the trap of craving more.



Early-October

Since we've been back, we feel like we just bleed money. So much of it's just being in this cultural context. You're not just buying things you need, but things for the house, high-end groceries... extras. It's a new, but unpleasantly familiar feeling of not just making do. Of wanting more. Is this an innate part of being American? It wasn't though once we'd penetrated the country's borders... this feels more akin to being caught up in some sort of religious fervor. And my now jam-packed schedule too. Is that an American thing? It's of my own design though... nobody is making me do it. Fortunately, for now, it consists of reuniting with friends and doing things that I enjoy. I continue to strive towards the valuable lessons I learned in Vipassana - operating both in + outside of time, of not clinging, and of the realization that all things (even my own life) is fleeting. And of the desire to work towards something larger than myself.



Mid-October

We've emptied out the storage space now and have most everything moved back into our home. I find myself feeling a bit less guilty splurging on a few non-sale grocery items and a night out at a club. Some friends tease us about our frugality, but as we watch the U.S. + global economy go down the toilet right now I feel more prepared to weather the hard times that are most definitely ahead than most. Most of that is simply because I've returned with such a deep appreciation, one that goes to the very core of my being, of how amazingly lucky I am just to have been born in this country. Because of this awareness, I am truly content to live simply. So many people on the planet will never know the luxuries + freedoms that I have. Now, maybe one of the biggest challenges I face is to find a job. But even with that, I have faith that if I'm open, opportunity will present itself.


And speaking of "Stuff", here's a "link" to a great little film about all the stuff in your life too