Things that Never Happen at Home #5

Being out here traveling is so fundamentally different from my day-to-day at home that I often find myself pondering these differences. There's the obvious - Not sitting behind a desk + computer all day; Not having neck cramps from holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder as I multi-task; No stress; No set routine. Now, in contrast - We brave the hot sun + freezing cold outside; My cramps are now in my legs from walking all day long; We ARE free to do as we like, but we're not out here with endless time or money to burn so we ARE judicious in our spending + in making each day count. When I reflect back at the end of each day, week, month... What are the things that seem worthwhile or even important??? It's the experiences of meeting memorable local characters or other like-minded travelers that you can picture yourself being friends with at home; Of tasting some delicious + unique food that you never even knew existed that you'll try to replicate for friends; A wonderous, soul-inspiring sight that burns itself into your memory and which you revisit later in your dreams; AND those rare moments when the big, bright lightbulb in your head goes off and you gain a new insight. THIS will be my ongoing attempt to capture + relate some of the latter. Here goes...

No Privacy

I'll use Vietnam as an example, though any of the Asian countries we've visited would just as easily work - In a country with 85 million people packed into a space about the size of the state of California, try as you might, you are NEVER alone. Darin and I joke that the Vietnamese way of giving privacy is to knock as you enter. More than once have we been caught with our pants down (literally) as the maid has used her key without knocking and walked right in, or some other guest has mistaken our room for theirs. The offender has always been more embarrased than us. People here are very conservative (though Americans are pretty uptight about nudity as a rule too) and I don't think they've EVER seen anyone just hanging out in the buff, nor even conceived of doing it themselves. But man, it's HOT here!

Back to my point - The Vietnamese don't value personal space in the same way that Americans do, which makes it extremely taxing on ones acceptance of the way things are when you're a visitor in another culture. It seems like there's always someone looking over your shoulder, or through your shopping bags, asking how much money you make, and I've even had my breasts + butt grabbed by women on a few different occasions as they make a friendly analysis of my meager, childless body (If you can, you DO have kids, there's no questioning. I'm the source of much pity on this front and the primary reason why they attempt to hook-up Darin with a local girl the moment I turn my back. A man MUST have heirs and they know the girl will financially set for life. Marriage here, and in most of the world for most people, is about a mutually beneficial partnership for raising a family. But I digress...) The up-side of this is that there's a STRONG sense of community and sharing here, and once they begin to get comfortable with + accept you, you're apt to be treated like family.

Speaking of family - Where most people live with multiple generations in a home a FRACTION the size of ours in the U.S., you get used to ALWAYS having someone around and conduct your life in a way in which you're always presentable. Hence the reason they can't even FATHOM that anyone would be walking around with no clothes on. I'm actually a bit mystified at the high birth rate here as I don't quite seen when couples even have time alone for intimacy. Young couples are frequently seen embracing on park benches, which is about the only place in a country this densely packed that you can achieve SOME semblance of privacy.

Here's a great example of the contrast of seeing your neighbors far too little - A long-time friend of Darin's recently got a temporary job assignment in Washington state. He commented the other day how crazy it is that all he's seen of his neighbors in six months is them driving into their driveway and disappearing behind the garage door in the evening, and the reverse secret exodus in the morning. Day after day. Never once seeing them face-to-face. An important detail to note in this is the car, as it most certainly creates a barrier between the driver and the outside world. Fortunately, ownership of cars in Southeast Asia is still for the vast minority, but it IS growing year by year (and in China, even day by day - Over 1,000 new cars!). See my previous Things that Never Happen blog about "Social Commuting".

As I've said, the up-side of this lack of privacy is the fact that people are so much more interconnected in Vietnam (and many countries of the world) than they are in the States. People watch out for each other, they help each other, keep an eye on each other's children... Even though it's invasive, I love the idea that everyone is part of a family, a neighborhood, a city. This great complicated web of lives that make up Vietnamese society sure makes typical life in America feel isolating in comparison.

Check the "link" for current photos from Hue revisited