Our First Khmer Wedding

Phnom Penh, Cambodia


Tuesday, Nov. 6

So, we've been invited to a wedding. We've seen a ton of them in Asia over the course of our year here, but only from a distance. The "Big Day" in question is for one of the loan officers at Maxima whose been one of our greatest translators and answerer of endless questions about Cambodian culture, weaving and microfinance. We've known for a couple weeks that the wedding was upcoming, but as short-term visitors/office assistants, we weren't expecting an invitation. Yesterday we were given our bright red envelope with gold lettering and told how happy they would be if we could attend. Today, with our assent + thanks we were told we'd be picked up at 6:30 AM on Sunday to be sure we saw the entire ritual from beginning to end. 6:30 AM 'til evening?! Should be memorable. More to follow...


Sunday, Nov. 11

It was an all day affair - Beginning for the bride + groom at 5 AM, and 6:30 for the guests. (It used to be a 3-dayer, but has been cut down in recent times with peoples increasingly busy schedules) We assembled at a banquet hall, echoing with excited voices and the sound of traditional musicians. At around 7:00 the assembled guests were all given symbolic gifts, wrapped on silver platters. There were 37 different kinds, each with it's own symbolism regarding ensuring the couple a bounty of food, prosperity + luck in their future lives together. We walked outside with the groom and both family's relatives + friends and assembled in a procession line around the corner. Darin + I were given places of honor near the front of the line as it's auspicious to have barangs (foreigners) at your wedding. When everyone was in place, attendants opened gold umbrellas over the groom and his family as we walked back to the hall, bearing the gifts which were presented to the brides parents who stood waiting, ready to welcome us. (Photo: The bride + groom receiving gifts of money from the family)

What followed was 5 hours of formal ritual - Seven distinct ceremonies, each with costume change for both the bride, groom + each of their three attendants. What a spectacle! Our Maxima hosts would continually pitch in with the meanings of different rituals. My favorite was the "Hair cutting ceremony". Beginning with the parents , grandparents, then family + honored guests (including us) - People went up behind the seated bride + groom and symbolically cut some hair with scissors as a gesture of cutting away the old and making room for the new (good luck). In the past, we were told, both actually got ALL their hair cut off! In the middle of the mornings festivities was served both breakfast and lunch. After all this, we then had a few hours free. As we said goodbye to one female co-worker and asked what she would do with her afternoon, her answer was "Go home and get ready for the evening". We just looked at her quizzically and figured something must have been lost in translation. (Photo: Khmer-style Glamorama)

Later that evening, we arrived at one of the mega wedding complexes in town (An area which can host scores of weddings at a time). The scene was loud and festive - VERY loud, as Khmers seem to prefer large crowds to an intimate celebration. Our reception alone held 500 people! And there were DOZENS in progress. (Photo: Darin performs the symbolic hair cutting)

The wedding party greeted us at the door with bows all around. As we ascended the stairs and came to the first landing, we were welcomed by a group of ten girls from the office. All were completely transformed and it literally took us a few minutes (and up to an hour) to recognize who was who. By day, all pretty sans makeup and with hair pulled back simply into a ponytail. Tonight, they were vamps! The hair - with glitter, curls + extensions; The makeup - blush, eye shadow, mascara + lip gloss in prodigious quantities; The clothes - jewel colored gowns with ruffles + sequins galore. I was feeling like I'd stepped back in time to my 80's prom! We took a seat at a table with a bunch of guys from the office and our boss (of sorts), who's such a gentlemanly host and always wanting to be sure we're taken care of. First the sodas, beers and a bottle of Jack were placed on the table. Then the ice girls arrived, as they would every 15 minutes or so throughout the evening, to be sure our glasses were topped off (drinks are rarely refrigerated here). The young guys dove right in, and it quickly became apparent that they don't drink much because things got silly very quickly after a few rounds of toasts. Nothing messy though, and it was good entertainment for the rest of us. Next, the food arrived. Big, flaming cauldrons of beef, and platters of fish, and even a veg-noodle salad + roasted cashews especially for Darin + I. As everyone was finishing their meals, the wedding party came in and everyone gathered around, cheering them on. Next, a western-style cake cutting. And then, the fun REALLY started. Dancing.

Our co-workers had been asking us all day if we would dance. Being quasi guests-of-honor we certainly didn't want to disappoint, so we were up with them from song one. Singers varied between guests singing karaoke and a couple of hired singers - One woman singing traditional style, and a twenty-something dude belting our Khmer rock n'roll. What we hadn't really betted on was that we'd have to dance traditional-style. Sure, we'd seen the backward-bending finger moves on TV, but we didn't think "normal" people danced like that. We were wrong. Not only that, but each new song requires a unique dance. Huh?! We were pretty good for the first few, but had to tell them we'd had enough by the fifth new dance. We wanted to show them "our" style. By the end of the evening, the 500 had dwindled down to just 50, and our coworkers were half that number. What a fun group! Now WE'RE the ones that feel honored. (Photo: Our co-workers teach us traditional moves)

Check the "link" for more photos from the Wedding day.